A.D.D

It means : Persistent pattern of inattention, forgetfulness, poor impulse control and distractibility.

And i think i'm suffering from it. Not much. Just a teeny bit.

You see, years back, while i was at a clinic, i asked the doctor if there were any medications for people who always forget things and stuff cause i was sick of being so careless all the time. I eventually told him about the problem i was facing and after making comparisons to the symptoms, he mentioned that there is a possibility that i might be having slight ADD, which means Attention Deficit Disorder.

As i looked at the symptoms, I understood what he meant.
(This is referring to a couple of years back)

1. Often does not give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities - (God knows how careless i can get.I'll miss out the most obvious mistakes)

2. Often has trouble keeping attention on tasks - (I get bored pretty fast)

3. Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly - (If i am not interested, give me two minutes and I'll shut down)

4. Often does not follow instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions) - (Works usually halfway done, even though i know what to do)

5. Often avoids, dislikes, or doesn't want to do things that take a lot of mental effort for a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework)- (Never liked challenges and things that i feel i might fail at. Anything that makes me think too much, forget it!)

6. Often loses things needed for tasks and activities (e.g. toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools) - (I misplace things as often as i shower)

7. Procrastination - (That's my forte!)

8. Easy distracted - trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or conversation, often coupled with an inability to focus at times - (Another forte. I'll even forget what i was supposed to do)

9. Often forgetful in daily activities - (Forgetting was my middle name)

10. A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one's goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished) - (I was never satisfied with my projects outcomes.Never could stick to one concept which always end up with me doing unnecessary excess work)

11. Difficulty getting organized - (Seen my room? It used to get cleaned up during Hari Raya only)

12. Trouble getting started - (Thinking about it becomes taxing)

13. An intolerance of boredom - (Only time I'm fine being alone for long is when I'm asleep or too tired. Too long and I'll get so restless)

14. Changing plans, enacting new schemes or career plans etc. - (There's always something else that interests me.I couldn't focus)

15. Physical or cognitive restlessness - (When I'm alone for too long)

16. A tendency towards addictive behaviour - (If i really like to do something or appreciate a certain someone I can be at it all the way)

17. Chronic problems with self-esteem - (Low confidence is something i've been facing)


It got pretty frustrating for me cause i felt really useless.
Even mummy & daddy were worried that i might have a hard time facing the real world with such a character.
From advices to being lectured to even Ginko Biloba's, I had it all.

But as i started to get into the working world, I kept reminding myself that i'm now facing the real world. I have to get back to reality, as quoted by Eminem.

To cut the story short, I started improving once i started my permanent position in Esplanade.

I am still as forgetful and careless at times but I'm working on it.
It does get very taxing at times because you forever have people pointing out your mistakes and even the most trivial matters becomes an issue. One thing I've learnt is that i need to be more confident and try not to make my mistakes become so obvious all the time cause when u start out as someone who always forgets and is perpetually careless, people naturally end up not really trusting you as they feel that they can't depend on you. It's not their fault really. Any human being would react in the same manner. At times, I would feel so vulnerable and i kept wishing that i wasn't so useless. But at the same time, I do realise that noone else can help me but myself. I will not change if i myself don't have the drive and discipline to do so. I'm grateful to some of my friends and collegues who are constantly advising me as well as recognising my effort.Even my family members gives me the support i need.Moral support does make a big difference cause at least i won't feel so alone.

Right now, I am starting to feel a bit lagging as my to-do list has started to pile up. Once i settle my "errands", I'll start to work out a routine on how to further improvise myself. It will take a while but I'm sure it will be worth it.

All the best Shahira!

Toodles!